Zombie Merpes
by Ser Pandy
Summary: /watch?v EAwWPadFsOA If you watch this, it will make my pee pee hard.


Zombie Merpes

By: Pandy

Like it or love it. I don't care which. If you don't pick one I'll kidnap your children as they sleep. Don't test me, you'll wake up with one less child I swear it.

Twas the night before Boxing Day and all through the room not a creature was pooping not even the broom. Then Brianna died "Hahahah Dumb Bitch!" Said me. Then she came back to life and tried to rape Keely.

"NOOOO!" Keely screamed. Then she shot a hoe in da face and her zombie died. "Welcome to Thunderdome Bitch." Keely said. Then we all drank cheese coffee and then shat on Ben. Then Alan walked up and said "Hey faggots, whats up niggers? Keely and I didnt like that so we both pulled out our switchblades and we chopped Alan up. "Hahahahahahahahaheheheheoohoehoe" I said. Then out of no where two aliens started to fight and then we shot dem in da Keely had sex with a chick named Leliana. Leliana was so happy she shat herself during. "I dont care about the shit, Ill keep bonin' her." Keely said. So we set off to Neva Neva Neva Land. Then Zoey and Sheva walked up and I boned them while Keely was busy with Leliana.

"Hey! We both get Zoey." Keely said. Then she ran up to us and started to do it with Zoey.

"Hey knock it off will ya'?" Zoey said. Then she went back to doin' it with me. Keely got so mad she stabbed Zoey in the back...357 times. I still kept bonin' her though. So we set off to find the queen zombie and slay her and all of her childs. Then when we were walking along the ol' dusty trail two scavengers named Emily Mcmullen and Q'uerra Mason walked up and tried to rob us. "I dont think thats such a good ideaer." I said.

"Just give us everything you guys got okay?" Emily said.

"Ya you God Damn Crackers!" Q'uerra yelled. Then we were attacked by zombabies and Emily got bit in the ear and nose and mouth and nose and nose again and of course the fucking nose.

"THIS IS FOR MY BROTHERS!" said a Muslim zombie. So it exploded and made Keelys cowboy hat fly off.

"Oh fuck no!" She said. Then Q'uerra ate a fudge pop in one bite. "Mnnnahndhaahhhhhhh!" Yelled Q'uerra in agony. *Boom!* Then her head exploded. "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Said Q'uerras headless body. Then an old run down car moved and the trunk opened and a bunch of Asian hookers ran out. Then we found a drivable car (It was a pick up truck by the way) then we filled it up with jet fuel and we flew it to California.

"Soo now what?" Emily said. I dont really like questions so I slapped her in the face.

"BITCH! If I wanted you to ask questions I would've said it was ok to ask questions!" I said. Then she started to cry that only made me hit her more. *Slap! Slap! Slap! Punch! Kick! Punch Kick Combo!* We decided to go to a local grocery store to stock up on supplies. Then we met some more people named Louis, Zoey, Bill, and Francis. Then a Prom Night Dumpster Baby popped up and started to sing. So I punched it to death with my giant, 4000 foot long penis.

"Well helloz there." Q'uerra said. The four people looked at us funny. Then the scared pussy looking black guy started to say.

"Uhh hello would it be okay if we followed you guys cause we are kinda running low on supplies." Said Louis.

"Ok, that seems fine with me, what about everyone else?" I said.

"Thats ok with me." Said everyone else in unison. So we all traveled together. When we came apon a fat dead hooker corpse then it stood up and started to run towards us.

"Oh Noes!" I said in a high pitched squeaky voice. "Shoot it guys!" I said. Everyone opened fire on the dead hooker. "Alright everyone to the safe room!" I yelled. We all made a run for the the safe room when Q'uerra was grabbed by a Smoker.

"Help me!" she said.

"Forget about that cracker we all needs ta survive!" I yelled. "WoW! I cant believe we made it!" I said.

"Son we just crossed the street, lets not throw a party until we're out of the city."Bill said.

"Well thats just Bonerific!" Said Zoey.

"Whats Bonerific?" Keely said.

"Its when two naughty people do naughty things to get stuff." :P I said.

When we set off to find Q'uerras mangled body we stumbled apon her head.

"OMG WTF!" We all said. "Hahahahahahaha!" Said Keely laughing. The horrible sight of a rotting head is kind of funny. So we were the in the saferoom it was me Keely, Emily, Bill, Zoey, Louis, and Francis then Francis asked "When are we going to get to kill something!" He said snickering. After he asked that I punched him in his pussy. *Rowwrrrrr!* "What was that?!" I asked.

"Tis but a Hunter" Keely said. We heard scratching at the door so we raised our weapons.

"I dont think it can get us in here." Zoey said. We relaxed after we heard it retreat. At the other end of the Saferoom we heard a knock on the door so it wasnt an infected.

"Help me! Help me please!" Said teh voice.

"Are you infected?" Emily asked.

"No, I just escaped from teh monsters." He said. After we let him in he introduced himself. He said his name was Joe Sampson a name I have heard before he was one of my school persons.  
"Hey Wesley is that you?!" Joe said.

"Uhh yeah." I said awkwardly. We talked for a bit then I punched out his eye.

"Owww, what the fuck was that for?" He said.

"I dont know I just felt like it. YOU BETTER BE OK WITH IT!" I said. He started to cry so I shot him in the foot. When we left we went to the store so we could get supplies when out of nowhere came the Hunter that we saw before. "Rowwrrr!" It screamed.

"Shoot it!" I yelled. So we shot it just like I said, and it died cos we shot it to death because it was evil because it was a zombie because it was bit by a zombie because it was hanging around zombies. We were still sad about how Q'uerra died, but we were looking on da shiny side. "I always hated white people." Said some dude that just walked up to us.

"Sir, suck a floppy donkey dick." Said Keely. When we got to the store there was an alarm on the door when we opened it it alerted da whored.

"Shit!" I said. "Alright everyone get ready." We stood our ground but we were overwhelmed then Emily got bit...again.

"Ow that done hurteded." She said. We all knew she was turning, but we didnt want to tell the dumbass.

We were walking in the tundra even though we were just in Cali. Emily was starting to turn so I cut off her legs and threw her into a volcano. "Yay!" We all yelled.

"The evil white bitch is finally dead!" Bill yelled. After we threw the white bitch into the volcano we went on our way and did not have a funeral for her.

"Now what?" Francis asked.

"Shut up Francis I hate questions!" I yelled. After I slapped him ten times in da face he stopped crying and we started to walk to my house. We had to walk all the way to Illinois but in time we made it. We finally arrived in my little hell hole of a town called Lebanon. Yes, we arrived in Lebanon, Illinois and it to was ravenged by the zombabies.

"Yes! I fucking hated this town!" I said with a smile. We kept walking to my house past all the blood covered houses and horrible churches. When we finally got to my house we saw that it was completely sealed off...so I used Louis as a battering ram and he died.

"Hahahahahahahaha the dumb pussy is dead!" Zoey said. Immediatly after walking into the house we found that everywhere smelt of rotting flesh.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?" Francis yelled.

"I dont know but whatever it is it doesnt smell good." Keely said. Keely was a Grey Warden in training.

We all split up to search the house and what we found was horrible. (Not Really) We found a pile of dead fat hookers and they were all ripped to shreds.

"HeeHeeHee" Bill said.

"Thats funny."Said Zoey. We had a proper burial for the dumb dead whores and then we set their bodies on fire and took turns shitting on them. When we were shitting on the dead hookers I thought. "Is this really a good thing to do?..OF COURSE IT IS!" When I was done shitting on one of the dead whores I saw Francis try to fuck one of their dead bodies.

"FRANCIS WHAT THE FUCK?!" I yelled. He looked at me and smiled, but he still kept fucking the corpse.

"Hey hes just like Bella from_ Twilight_,(I do not own the shitty movie or the shitty books or any other _Twilight related item, _so you cant sue bitches.) he fucks dead people too!" I said. Then we all laughed. We ran to the nearest building and we found a couple of people...so we fucked them to death.

"Yeehaw! I sure do love fucking strangers!" Yelled Keely. When we finished fucking the peoples we pushed them into a pit full of superheated dildos. Death. By. DILDOS!

"Shut up Wesley, Im trying to read!" Yelled Keely Then I slapped her in the face with an elaphant and she went into a coma then she woke up, threw up, took a shit, talked to corporate, approved memos, read a workshop, remembered birthdays, direct workflow, her own bathroom, micromanaged, promoted synergy, hit on Debra, got rejected, swallowed sadness, sent some faxes, called a sex line, cried deeply, demaded a refund, ate a bagel, harrassment lawsuit, no promotion, fith of vodka, shit on Debras desk, bought a gun, in her mouth. "Oh fuck me I cant fucking do it, shit!" Keely said. Pussy out, puked on Debras desk, jumped out the window, sucked a dudes dick, scored some coke, crashed her car, sucked her own dick, ate some chicken strips, chopped her balls off, blacked out in the sewer, met a giant fish, fucked his brains out, turned into a jet, bombed the Russians, crashed into the sun, now shes dead. LIKE A BOSS! After all of that happened Keely walked up and said.

"Wow that was a lot of shit." We kept on walking when we found a school, so we decided to check it out and we found a line of preschoolers lined up in a row. All of them had a bullet in the back of their heads, it looked like the teacher blew her head off with a 37 barrel shotgun.

"Haha!" Zoey said. I grabbed Zoey and fucked her right on the dead kids.

"Oh thats wonderful." Everyone said sarcastically.

"Isnt it?" I said. We walked away in slow-mo as the school behind us exploded cause only cool people walk away from explosions in slow-mo. We found the next safe room so we slept for the rest of the night. I woke Zoey and Sheva up and we had a threesome in the back room. ITS GUNNA BE A MERRY MERRY MERRY FRICKIN' CHRISTMAS! The next day we left and we were attacked by zombies and I got shot by Francis, so I stabbed him in the foot and cut off his toes.

When I walked into the sunlight my skin melted off and I ripped off Francis's skin and I made a coat. He slapped me with a dildo and I shot him in his hairy beaver. Then he grew his skin back and I shot off his fat sagging tits.

"Holy jizzzz cakes!" Screamed Bill. I punched him in the nipple.

"Ahhh MY FUCKING TITS!" He screamed. Bill started to tell a story. "A long time ago..in a galaxy far, far away..." He said.

"Shut the fuck up! No Star Wars jokes!" I yelled.

I ran up a mountain to get to some zombies and I yelled at them and they died because I shit on them and it burnt them to after death death. We ran to a store and got some food and some ammo and stole some tvs even though theres no electricity. I slapped Bills face off and Francis ate it and Zoey farted and she shit herself and I laughed and made her eat it. Keely raped Francis when he was trying to sleep and he screamed like a little girl. :/ I ran to a carnival and I shot a fat dead fat guy who was eating some dudes penis. I shot my head off and I blew up the carnival and me and the other people walked out of the burning carnival. We ran away and Keely raped Francis again and Bill raped Zoey in the anus and she shit on him and he cried and she died and he died and they came back to life. I farted and it blew Zoey and Francis away and they hit a fan and exploded and they died. Zoey slapped me and I punched her in the penis and it fell off, ran away, and jumped in Billz mouth. We left the saferoom and I stabbed Keely in da face, she shot me, and I jumped off a building and I went SPLAT! on da ground.

"It is believed that there is a rapist in Jeferson Park soo, hide yo' kidz, hide yo' wife, hide yo' kidz, hide yo' wife, and hide yo' husband too cause they raping errbody out herr." Said a random black guy. I shot the random black guy and he died...then he turned into a zombie so I shot him in da face. Then Bill shat himself and we all passed out because it smelt like a fat old mans daiper. Then Zoey farted again and she blew Bill, Francis, Louis' dead body, Keely, and me away. We all hit a fan and we exploded.

"Heheheh" laughed Zoey. Then Keely stabbed Zoey and she died. "Ow that hurt bitch." she said.

Then Keely shot off her foot and ate it then she went all cannibal and ate everyone that was in her way while she was blinded with hungry person eating rage.

"Ahh everyone run away from the crazy rapist cannibal and shes got eating utensils and shes going to rape us to death and then eat us in our sleep after we are already dead. "Giggity" Keely said. I shot the crazy cannibal then she ripped off Zoeys ass cheeks, and ate them. Now Zoey cant control when she craps so she'll be crapping during battle and getting all of us killed and we are going to rape her in the afterlife.


End file.
